


Behind Closed Doors

by agrajag



Category: Every Heart a Doorway - Seanan McGuire, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-07-25 12:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7533166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agrajag/pseuds/agrajag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It took Ronan eight years to realize that he could never tell the truth. He could never trust anyone. From then on, he destroyed everything he pulled out of his dreams. So many beautiful things lost because he was unable to share his gift with the world. It began to eat away at him. Although the 'stealing' stopped, Ronan continued to see professionals. He mostly spent his time there silent.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>It took seventeen years for Ronan's parents to believe some time away would help. He was handed a brochure for a Eleanor West's School for Wayward Children. His stomach dropped. His mother prattled on about how the school specialized in helping those like him.</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>Ronan didn't protest. He knew it would be worthless. It only took a week for Ronan to pack his bags and be driven miles away from home. The one place he had felt he could be himself, if still only in secret.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You don't need to read Every Heart a Doorway to be able to read this. Everything needed to understand this universe is explained within the fic. (Though you should read EHaD if you love TRC. Seriously. Go read it.) For those who have read EHaD, this takes place after the events of the book.
> 
> In this universe, Ronan is the first in the family to have the ability to take things from his dreams, so Aurora and Matthew are just regular people. 
> 
> Notes, tags, and rating are definitely going to change as I write this.

Ronan wished he hadn't trusted his parents with the naivety of a child, but the problem was he had been a child. It took them nearly four years to realize their second son was different. Ronan had been careful to keep everything he pulled from his dreams hidden in a shoe box under a broken floorboard, but over time, the dream things began to pile up. The extremely bizarre was easy enough to remember to hide away, however, he would often forget which toys his parents had bought and which his mind had invented. Aurora had been cleaning when she found building blocks that never toppled over and tops that never stopped spinning. Four year old Ronan had been sat down by his parents and asked nicely where he got these things and he told the truth. 'My dreams.' Aurora laughed, her laugh always sounded like bells to Ronan, but Niall didn't ask so nicely the second time. 'If you're stealing from other kids, you know that's wrong, don't you?' Ronan told them, he didn't steal. His dreams gave freely.

They dismissed it as the imagination of a child. Ronan wanted to show them. He wanted to give his parents the best gifts he could dream up. It took some time. An eternity to a child. And it took his parents seven years to think their son was a thief. Ronan could hear them arguing over where he could have stolen the jewelry that always glittered even if there was no light and the record that never skipped. Declan sat on the stair above Ronan, the two of them quiet in the dark, but Ronan could tell Declan couldn't wait to chastise him for upsetting their parents.

After that he was sent to his first therapist. She was kind. She didn't ask him outright about the dream things. She never accused him of stealing. He liked her until he overheard her say 'kleptomania' to his mother when she came to pick him up from his session. The dusty dictionary in the family's study let him know what she truly thought of him. It took Ronan eight years to realize that he could never tell the truth. He could never trust anyone. From then on, he destroyed everything he pulled out of his dreams. So many beautiful things lost because he was unable to share his gift with the world. It began to eat away at him. Although the 'stealing' stopped, Ronan continued to see professionals. He mostly spent his time there silent. There was the one time he snuck his bagpipes in and disturbed the entire building. (The story told in hushed whispers among the Lynches for decades afterward.) He knew his family thought they were doing what was for the best, and they loved him. It hurt to have to put on such an act, but in the end he knew it was for the best.

It took seventeen years for Ronan's parents to believe some time away would help. He was handed a brochure for Eleanor West's School for Wayward Children. His stomach dropped. His mother prattled on about how the school specialized in helping those like him while his father scoffed in the background and mumbled 'Compulsive liars with the need to cause trouble' which caused Declan to roll his eyes at the hypocrisy and wasn't that all very ironic. Ronan didn't protest. He knew it would be worthless. It only took a week for Ronan to pack his bags and be driven miles away from home. The one place he had felt he could be himself, if still only in secret.

Niall double parked the car outside the main gate and got out to unload the suitcases.

"Ms. West said to just drop you off here. You're apparently supposed to go in alone in order to symbolize the start of your recovery, or something like that."

Ronan watched as his father decidedly avoided eye contact. It hurt, but Ronan continued to lean against the gate with his hands in the pockets of his jacket and his mouth in a mean frown. He ignored the voice in his head saying this is the last time he'd see his father until Christmas vacation.

"Fine, don't say anything," Niall continued. "Just... _try_ to get better, son. If not for yourself, think of your mother and Matthew, yeah?"

And with that he was gone.

Ronan picked up the suitcases and started the long trek across the property to the actual school. It took nearly twenty minutes and he was sweating underneath the leather. There was no doorbell but the door was open when he tried it. He walked in cautiously and set his bags down without a sound.

"You're very quiet," a voice said, startling him. He looked up and saw a woman around sixty coming down the main stairs. "It reminds me of one of my star pupils. The black, too. Though her style tended to be a bit more... _refined_ than that Rebel Without a Cause look you've got going. Not like I can talk."

Ronan agreed. The woman was wearing a bright purple sweater - it was covered in buttons that clearly had been sewn on with very little care - and a long yellow skirt with a bumble bee pattern.

"My world was a Nonsense world, though. You'll find our clothing choices reflect our worlds."

"I'm sorry?"

"Ronan, you don't have to hide anymore. Everyone here has crossed over somewhere."

Ronan's heart skipped. No, he would always have to hide. And what did she mean... "Crossed over?"

"Crossing over, traveling, so on... Everyone seems to have their own names for it. Alice tumbled down the rabbit hole. The Penvensie's went through the back of the wardrobe. Though most students don't like _that_ one."

"Those are just children's stories."

"But we both know they're not. Eleanor West. Welcome to my home." She offered her hand and, baffled by it, Ronan just shook it instead of glaring like he normally would. "So, was it an Underworld? You are very pale and then there _is_ all the black."

"I didn't go anywhere," Ronan replied, the 'at least while I was awake' left unsaid.

It was Eleanor's turn to look confused. "I'm sorry, but your parents said you tend to disappear for days."

"I like to drive."

"And there was the matter of taking things out of your dreams."

It felt as if the ground disappeared from underneath him. Ronan kept a straight face, however. "That was just some dumb thing I said when I was a kid. I stole some toys. I lied to get out of trouble. What kid doesn't?"

"Oh Ronan, you're magic, aren't you? And without having had to travel to acquire it. Now isn't that special. But let's keep that our little secret. The other students might not take it so well."

"Well, I have to give you points for creativity. Sure is a unique way to try and get on the delinquents good sides on the first day."

"Oh, alright. You don't have to believe me just yet. Now, since I don't know how your power works, I'm going to be doing a lot of guessing, but I don't think it's much ruled by Logic. I have a wonderfully nice Nonsense student who's in need of a roommate, so let's get you settled in."

Eleanor grabbed Ronan's suitcases before he could protest. She lifted them with an ease neither Ronan or his father did and took off down a hall to the left. Ronan almost had to run to keep up. They took several turns and Ronan was beginning to think they must be headed straight back from where they came when Eleanor finally stopped in front of a door and knocked.

"Noah! Your new roommate is here."

The door swung open so fast it almost knocked them to their feet. A boy around Ronan's age stood in the doorway, blocking them from entering the room. He had hair so blonde it was nearly white, though most of it had been dyed several neon colours. Looking closer, Ronan saw identical coloured markers in the boy's hands and realized he had been colouring it before they interrupted him. He was wearing a baggy Blink 182 tee-shirt and boxers.

"Noah, would it hurt you to put pants on?" Eleanor sounded as if this was not the first time she had to ask.

"Yes," the boy answered.

"Fair enough." Eleanor gently pushed him aside and then not so gently threw Ronan's suitcases on one of the beds. "How about you two get to know each other? You have about an hour before dinner."

And with that, she was gone.

"So another boy and a Nonsense boy at that," Noah said. Now that Eleanor wasn't around, he seemed to be unable to sit still. He was pacing the room, placing each marker in a corner of the room. "We don't get very many boys. There's three of us at the moment. Well, four now, I suppose. But they're both Logic and I mean, they're nice. I like them. I don't think they like me much and are just too nice to say. You aren't nice, though. I can tell."

"You better watch your mouth or I'll throw you out the window," Ronan said.

He liked Noah already.

"That's what I thought. Not so nice on the outside."

Noah started humming while pressing his fingertips to the wall above his bed, leaving multi-coloured fingerprints. Ronan was left to wonder what he meant by on the outside.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Noah had literally dragged Ronan down to the dining hall, pulling his hand and staining it in the process. The room was huge but only about a third of the seats were full. Noah had not been joking either. There were rows upon rows of girls and then, in the far back, one table with two boys. Noah led Ronan there and dropped into the one empty chair. Ronan grabbed another from a different table and joined them. He looked at Noah, waiting for him to make the introductions, but Noah had become very interested in picking at a loose thread on his boxers. He hadn't put on pants for dinner, although he had put a flannel and then a cardigan over his tee because 'it was cold.'

Luckily one of the other boys, unperturbed by Noah's actions, rose to the task.

"You must be Ronan Lynch, the new student. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Gansey. High Logic. And this is Adam Parrish. Logic, bordering on Whimsy."

"And I'm Tired of This Nonsense," Ronan mumbled. Noah barked out a laugh.

Gansey's smile didn't falter. "Ah yes, it can be difficult for the two to get along, but I'm sure you'll find us pleasant enough company."

"Alright, old man."

"Gansey is old," Noah said, slightly singing the words. "Poor old Gansey. Traveled to a great kingdom. Adopted by the king. Ruled for centuries, he did. Fought battles. Governed his people. Several lifetimes passed once he went through his door. Ah, to be young again. What others wouldn't give to be young again. But not old Gansey."

"Yes, thank you Noah."

"Wait, so you're actually a hundred years old?" Ronan asked.

"267, actually. I was ten when I found my door and spent the next 257 years there while in this world, only seven years passed. It was very disconcerting when I returned. Honestly, I didn't even mean to. I was lying in what was to be my death bed, and when a door appeared, I thought that I was to go through to the, well, Afterlife, I suppose. Instead I ended up back in the yard where I had left all those years ago."

"Okay, because that's logical."

"Logic is different from world to world," the other boy, Adam, pointed out.

Ronan truly looked at him for the first time and was suddenly very upset that he wasn't the only boy. Now he would have to continue to hide all of himself, and not just his dreams.

"Sure it is. That's clearly the logical thing for logic to do."

"You Nonsense people always act so superior," Adam accused. "You think your worlds are so much better, but you're not the only ones who found home. There is a reason we're all here."

Ronan had thought he'd been taking all that was happening in stride, but Adam's anger made him realize he was lost among the lost. Whatever had happened to these boys, they thought it was a good thing. Adam said they found their homes. Well, Ronan had a home that he would give anything to go back to and he had only been gone for a day. He would get to go home, though. He didn't know how these doors worked (or if any of it was real, but he tended to believe in the magical for obvious reasons) but he got the feeling that Adam? Gansey? They weren't going home.

"I think that's enough of that discussion," Gansey cut in. "After all, group therapy is after dinner. You'll get to hear more about other's experiences then, Ronan. Get a better feel for how everything operates in the school."

"Alright. So, how's the food around here?"

"Oh, Ronan the Secretive. Ronan the Deceptive." Noah grabbed Ronan's hand again and pulled him to the buffet table lining the back wall. "They have a frozen yogurt to die for."


	2. Chapter 2

Group therapy was held in what must have been the ballroom once upon a time. Despite the high ceiling and wide open space, it felt much more inviting than the dining hall. There were books in several dangerous looking piles on all available surfaces. It was warmly lit - unlike the harsh lights elsewhere in the house - mostly due to a chandelier, but someone had still lit some candles. Unfortunately the majority were placed on top of the piles of books and Ronan watched as wax dripped down the spines. A circle of chairs had been set up directly in the middle of the floor, and a young man was already seated in one as the students trickled in after dinner. He was idly flipping through a book titled Crows of the World and continued to do so even after everyone had settled in.

Gansey gently touched the man's shoulder to get his attention. "Excuse me, Mr. Bronson? Everyone's here now."

The man looked up and almost seemed surprised he was surrounded by nearly forty students.

"Oh, yes, thank you Mr. Gansey," he replied. He folded over the corner of the page in the book he hadn't quite been reading and placed it under his chair. "Good evenin' everyone."

A few of the students mumbled back a greeting. If he minded, or even noticed, the lack luster response, the man didn't show it. He continued on, his drawl much more pronounced than the local and semi-local students.

"I'd like to welcome our new student, Mr. Lynch. I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to introduce myself before the whole group was here. I'm Kade Bronson. I mediate the group therapy sessions. It's nice to meet you."

"You're a little young to be a shrink," Ronan simply said in response.

"Ah, well, yes. I'm afraid at the moment I only have my associates in psychology. You see, it tends to be difficult to find teachers and staff for such a particular school, but I'm working on it. As I've told everyone before, I don't want you to think of this as therapy in the traditional sense. It's a safe place to talk about your doors. Help each other deal with adjusting to this world again. Basically, it's just nice to be able to talk to people who understand."

"Well, you still sound like a shrink." Ronan kicked his boots out and crossed his arms. This was easy. This he knew how to deal with.

Unfazed, Kade moved on. "I think for tonight we should take turns talking about finding our doors and our worlds so Mr. Lynch can get to know us better. Would anyone like to start?"

"I'll go first," Gansey said. "Noah already told the basic outline at dinner."

"Thank you, Mr. Gansey. Go ahead."

"I was ten when my parents brought me along to a dinner party. Normally I would have been left at home with the nanny, but something had gone wrong and she couldn't make it. I still... I often wondered how different things would have been if she hadn't canceled on them." Gansey trailed off for a moment, lost in his thoughts, but quickly smiled again and continued. "I managed to sneak off and found myself wandering around in the backyard. I was so careless. I didn't notice the hornet's nest on the ground and I kicked it over. I'm allergic, you see, and I was so sure that this was it. But then, I saw a door in the side of a tree. Even at ten, I knew 'This is impossible' but it was either the door or death, so I opened it. On the other side, I met Owen Glendower, the king of Henrietta. He came to my side to help without question. I spent two years as his ward before I was adopted and began training to succeed him as king."

"All hail the King!" Noah cried.

Gansey's smile suddenly was sad.

"Mr. Czerny, perhaps you'd like to go next?" Kade prompted.

"Poor Noah. No one likes hearing Noah's story."

"That's not true," someone said. It was a short girl who was a few seats down from the boys. She was wearing a dress that looked as if it had gotten into a fight with a pair of scissors and lost. "I quite like your story."

"Blue lily, lily Blue. Destined to love the dead," Noah sang, but then went quiet.

Ronan was worried that Noah wasn't going to go on. He had to admit he was curious what had happened to him. He looked over at his new friend and elbowed him in the side gently. Noah smiled.

"Oh, alright then," Noah said, voice now steady and clear. "My door appeared in my room one day. It was nothing special. I was sitting there, avoiding homework, and suddenly there was a door. I was bored, so I figured I'd see where it led to. As soon as I opened it, I was sucked in. It felt like I fell for hours. Days, even. And once I finally hit the ground, my head split, and everything went black for... so, _so_ long. When I came to I was partly see through. I couldn't feel anything. I knew I was dead. Just like I know so many things, now. I _know_ I was dead. Though you keep telling me it's not true."

"Mr. Czerny, we've gone over this before," Kade said. "I believe you felt you were dead, but no one can come back from an Afterlife. Dead is dead, in every world."

"That makes no fucking sense," Ronan said, surprising himself. His fingers clenched at the sleeves of his shirt and he looked down. Seeing the neon stains against the black calmed him. He couldn't believe he had willingly brought the attention of the group back to him, although he realized he would do it again for Noah. The thing was, the goal had always been to avoid talking. Everyone eventually got tired of waiting and gave up on him. There was no chance of that now.

"I'm sorry Mr. Lynch?"

Well, in for a penny, as his father said.

"Doors showing up out of nowhere? Falling down holes? Magic worlds and heaven and hell? But death is still the one constant? That's not really fair, is it?"

Ronan could hear snickering coming from various parts of the circle. All he could focus on, however, was the smile that Adam was desperately trying to hide.

"Well, I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you that life isn't fair Mr. Lynch," Kade said, somehow managing to not sound condescending as he did. "So how about you tell us your story?"

Ronan would rather eat his boot.

"I'm good."

The reaction was not what Ronan had been expecting. Rather than gently trying to reassure him that it was beneficial to discuss his issues - reiterations of this he had been hearing for a decade - Kade just stared at him, a baffled expression on his face. Ronan shrugged and looked back to Noah.

Shaking his head, Noah leaned in and whispered, "Deceive, Ronan. You know how to do this. You're supposed to want to go back. Everyone wants to go back."

Ronan took a deep breath. "It's just... I'm not good at big speeches."

"Don't think of it as a speech," Kade said, visibly relaxing. "Think of it as telling a story to your friends."

"Okay, so, my door pops up a lot. Mostly at night. It's usually a forest. And there's weird things in the forest a lot of the time. And then I'm usually back by morning. I can't stay longer than that, which I guess is why I can come and go."

"That's very interesting. I haven't heard of a world that operated that way before. Would you mind going into more detail, Mr. Lynch?"

"I don't really see what else there is to say," Ronan said. His tone made it clear that was all Kade was going to get.

The girl in the shredded dress leaned over to address Ronan. "You said there's a forest. Do the trees talk?"

"You can't ask everyone who went to a forest that, Blue" another girl said. "So many of us did. It's kind of a staple in magic worlds."

"I just want to know if they're alright," Blue snapped back. "So, did they?"

"Uh, no."

"Miss Sargent, why don't you tell your story next, then. Give Mr. Lynch some context."

Ronan was surprised Kade didn't reprimand the girls for fighting. Though Ronan had seen way worse in other group therapy sessions. Perhaps allowing the students to let their true feelings out actually helped them work through some things. Ronan knew he would feel much better if he go a round or two with Declan. It was much more cathartic than talking.

"I grew up around magic," Blue began. "Most of my family is psychic. By most, I mean everyone. Except me. And I thought I was alright with that. I spent sixteen years telling myself I was alright. Then, one day I was sitting in our backyard, next to our beech tree, when a door appeared. I almost didn't open it. I wanted to go inside and get my mom because she'd know what to do, but then it was like something told me that it wasn't for her." Blue paused for a moment, closing her eyes. Ronan could feel the regret she felt for not telling her mother. Eyes still closed, Blue continued. "So I went in. I walked into a forest, filled with so many different trees. Ones that couldn't all survive in the same climate. Ones from all over the world. It was beautiful. And when I was about to turn around and go back through the door, they spoke to me. They called me by name. Told me to stay. That this was who I really was. Slowly, but surely, I learned how to transform. I planted my roots and grew. I don't know what happened. One day I was there and the next I was back home. I just want to know if they're alright," she repeated.

"Thank you, Miss Sargent. Would anyone like to go next?"

A few more students shared their stories before Kade told them the session was over and they were to get ready for lights out. Ronan hid his disappointment that Adam had not been able to talk about his world. It was easy with Noah grabbing his hand once again and pulling him out of the ballroom before everyone else.

"I know you were defending my honor, which is sweet, but perhaps it is best you don't talk about your world anymore in group," Noah said. He had let Ronan's hand go to make air quotes when he said 'your world.' "And please don't freak out. I'm going to just lay everything down. Yes, I know you don't have a door. Yes, I know that you do go somewhere at night, however. In your dreams. And yes, I know about your power. I'm not going to tell anyone. I don't tell what I know. It's not my place. I like you, and I'm only saying this because I want to help."

"How did you..."

"The dead see all. At least, that's what the other ghosts in my world told me. Once I crossed back over, I still had my power. It happens to some of us. Our bodies, our minds adapt to our worlds, and never revert back. For others, it's as if it never happened. Blue's still upset because she can no longer talk to the trees, as you could see."

"Alright, so I don't talk in group. I was planning on doing that anyway."

"Good. And luckily you're rooming with me. I won't mind if you bring anything back."

"You say that now, but I could bring back something dangerous," Ronan warned.

"Well, I suppose we'll deal with that when it happens."

Noah then skipped off toward their hall's bathroom. Ronan tried to ignore that he had say 'when' instead of 'if.'


	3. Chapter 3

Ronan had never thought to pay attention to the trees, but that night he walked up to them quietly, resting his hand on the bark, and asked them if they understood him.

" _Etiam_ ," they responded.

It sounded as if hundreds of people of all ages and genders were whispering at once. It was eerie yet beautiful. Deep down he knew they only spoke because it was a dream - it was his dream - and he had made it happen. They weren't Blue's trees. On the surface, though, he wanted to believe so he could tell her they were doing fine.

"Okay, I'm gonna take that as a yes, but we had Spanish in school, not whatever you're speaking, so this might not work."

" _Greywaren_ ," they whispered. " _Reliquiae_."

And then they were silent.

"Glad we could have this talk," Ronan muttered. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but it certainly hadn't been that. He was in his own mind and yet the trees spoke a language he didn't know. It sounded old. He figured it was probably Latin. Not for the first time, but it had been awhile, he began to wonder if he was just in his dream or if he was somewhere else entirely. It was too much to deal with at the moment considering the move to the school and facing magic face to face.

He started walking east, to a clearing near the center of the forest. He went there often because it led to calmer dreams, but when he arrived it was swarming with birds. He ducked down to avoid being hit. The noise was deafening after the silence of the trees. Ronan turned around to head back when he noticed one of the birds was laying on the ground. He bent over and picked her up. She was only just growing her feathers so it was easy to see her right wing was broken. The feathers were black, Ronan noticed, and he realized the birds were crows. Perhaps too big for crows.

_Ravens._

"What are we going to do with you?" he said to the bird as he rubbed a finger under her chin. Although he already knew what he was going to do, he ended up having no choice as he was abruptly woken up.

Looking around groggily, Ronan saw Noah jumping on his bed. He was playing air guitar and singing along loudly to the song he had blasting from his laptop. The marker had faded from his hair onto his pillow case and with his hair solely its natural colour, he looked even paler, like a ghost. He noticed Ronan was staring at him and he began to serenade Ronan with the lyrics slightly altered.

"And then I saw him standing there, with blue eyes and buzzed brown hair, he wasn't wearing underwear."

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there." Noah immediately stopped moving and was completely still. It was terrifying, although Ronan would never admit it. "You don't have to stop completely."

"Oh, thank goodness," Noah said as he let out a huge sigh. "I'm not very good at that. I like to move. So how was your night? Have sweet dreams?"

"Yeah, about that..." Ronan trailed off as he pulled his blanket back and showed Noah the bird nestled in his hand. "What's the school's policy on pets?"

Noah started jumping again. "Oh my God, that's amazing."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Of course we're not supposed to have pets. Isn't it bad enough with all of us running around?" Noah hopped down and reached under his bed. He brought out a shoe box which he promptly emptied onto the floor. "We're just gonna have to keep her a secret. Do you have a shirt you don't mind using as bedding?"

"Oh yeah, grab the green tee in my suitcase. I'm gonna use your computer."

Noah simply hummed his consent and continued setting up the impromptu home for the bird. Ronan carefully sat up and walked over to Noah's side of the room. First he shut off the music and then pulled up Google. It was easy enough finding directions on how to splint a bird's wing and how to generally take care of them. It became increasingly obvious that keeping her secret would be no easy task. He looked down and couldn't help but smile.

"You're lucky you're cute."

"Thank you," Noah said as he sat down. "That was a joke, by the way. I know you're talking to her. I got the hint after the song."

"It's cool, man. It looks good." Ronan nodded to the shoe box which, well, still looked like a box just with a shirt thrown in, but it would work for the time being.

"I didn't take you for a debate team kind of person. Do you just intimidate everyone?"

"What? Oh, the shirt. No, that's my brother. He's into that. We all had to buy those shirts last year to help his team raise money. Like I'd ever wear that."

"Far too much colour for you."

"Speaking of, I think your pillowcase is ruined."

"Oh, no, it's fine. Washable markers. Eleanor won't let me have the kind that could actually stain anything."

"You were getting it everywhere yesterday. You seem, I don't know, less..."

"Crazy?"

"I wasn't going to say that."

"No, it's okay. I know there isn't much of a delicate way of putting it. Just don't use that in front of Eleanor. She doesn't like that word. Yeah, I am a bit more lucid in the mornings. I mean, I'll always feel the same inside, but in the mornings I can mostly keep it in there. As the day goes on, it's harder to and so I just let it all out."

"So you still can see things about me?"

"It's not exactly like that. I don't 'see' like Blue's family does. It's as if the knowledge pops into my head without me realizing and then it's like I've always known it. Like I've always known you."

"Do you know everything?" Ronan asked even though he was afraid of the answer.

"About you, yes. I don't know absolutely everything. Which is why I know we were meant to meet Ronan Lynch."

"You do promise you won't tell. Not just... the dreams?"

"Never," Noah said with a fire in his eyes. Then, he smiled again as if the moment never happened. "So what are you going to name her?"

Ronan looked down at the bird, who had fallen asleep. He gently laid her down in the shoe box. "Chainsaw."

Noah laughed. "I like it."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ronan and Noah found out how hard keeping Chainsaw secret was going to be when they tried to gather food and supplies for her before breakfast. They were almost caught three separate times, but they managed to make it back to their room undetected. Ronan had simply grinned at Noah and told him he was good at sneaking around.

The truth was, Ronan was made of secrets. The entirety of his life was a secret. From the dreams to other things he wasn't quite ready to face. So to finally have someone who truly knew him was a relief. He told Noah about some of the more ridiculous things he took from his dreams as they fed Chainsaw. They laughed carelessly and worked together seamlessly. Ronan felt he could almost understand how Noah must have felt. It was as if they had always known each other. Even if Ronan didn't know that much about Noah's past. He got the impression from group therapy the night before that most of the students felt like their lives before they found their doors didn't mean much anymore. Perhaps the Noah from before and Ronan wouldn't have gotten along.

"Don't think about that," Noah said, startling Ronan from his thoughts.

They were on their way to breakfast. It was hard to believe it was still so early on in the day. Ronan felt so alive and he had had only a few hours of sleep.

"Oh my God, it's called having fun."

"Stop reading my mind."

"Make me."

"Just grab your food and keep walking."

"So bossy."

The boys finished filling their trays - Ronan with typical breakfast food and Noah with an alarming amount of candy - and made their way to the table from dinner. Despite the vast amount of space in the dining room, the students were seated at all the same tables with all the same groups. Ronan hadn't attended his first actual class yet, but it was obvious that other than the magic they all had in common, it wasn't going to be much different than regular high school. Gansey and Adam were already eating when Ronan and Noah sat down.

"I'm glad to see you're settling in well," Gansey said as Ronan started picking at his food. "Are you prepared for class?"

"What? Are you, like, a TA or something?"

Adam tried to cover his laugh with a cough while Noah laughed freely. Gansey didn't seem to mind the comment or his friends' reactions.

"Is there something wrong with caring how my friends do in school?"

Ronan tried to look indifferent but he was floored at how easily Gansey could call him a friend. They barely knew each other. Though he supposed, for the students, after hearing about someone's door, he knew enough. Ronan decided he liked Gansey.

"I would try not to care about my grades too much," he said. He felt Chainsaw moving around in his bag, and tried to duck his hand in to pet her without being seen.

Noah started singing and Ronan wasn't sure if it was to let him know how obvious he was being or simply to try and distract the others just in case. Gansey and Adam didn't seem surprised in the least by Noah's outburst, however, and Gansey went on about the importance of grades, even at the Wayward School. Adam blatantly stared at Ronan's bag.

"Actually, I was wondering, do you know Latin?" Ronan asked, cutting Gansey off.

"Well, I took Latin back in school, so I'm rusty. Why?"

"Do you know what any of these words mean?"

Ronan tried to pronounce what the trees had said as best he could. He figured he did a decent job because Gansey smiled and started nodding.

" _Etiam_ means yes. That I definitely remember. _Reliquiae_ probably is endure, I think. Or survive. Now _Greywaren_ I'm not sure. To be honest, I don't think that's Latin. Where did you hear this?"

"Some movie. It didn't have subtitles."

Gansey didn't look like he believed Ronan, but he didn't push him for more information. Adam, on the other hand, had no such qualms.

"You expect us to believe that?" He pointed a finger at Ronan which he never thought people actually did, but he wasn't complaining now. "Why are you trying so hard to be mysterious? This is the one place you can be yourself. Why would you want to hide?"

Ronan wanted to yell. He wanted to let Adam know that he could never be himself. If he did stop hiding, no one would like him. They'd all start treating him like his family did. That even in this world of magic, he was still a freak. That even without his dreams, he was still different.

But Ronan didn't yell. He didn't say any of that.

He shrugged.

Adam managed to become even angrier. He grabbed his plate and stormed off. Gansey looked between him and Ronan before making a decision and getting up to follow Adam. Noah flung himself on top of the table, knocking over the leftover food and drinks.

"Poor Adam," he whined, the words muffled by the waffles stuck to his face.

"Why poor Adam? What's his deal?"

Noah turned his head to look at Ronan. "You know I can't tell you that."

Chainsaw poked her head out of Ronan's bag and let out a little cheep. Ronan scratched her head with a finger and tried not to think about how he was not ready for everything that was happening.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to post this chapter. Life got in the way for a bit and then my laptop was getting fixed. But I'm finally here with something.

After breakfast, Kade pulled Ronan aside to hand him his schedule.

"Alright, so although the house is big enough to split everyone up into smaller classes, we only have so many teachers, so there's two," he explained. "Logic and Nonsense. It makes it easier for everyone to learn that way. I know when you arrived Eleanor thought your world was Nonsense, but I put you in the Logic classes because, from what little you told me, it seems like a better fit."

Ronan was a little disappointed he wouldn't have Noah there throughout the day, but he had to admit it must be distracting to have him randomly singing while a teacher tried to lecture.

"Most of the classes are your general education so that after you leave you can easily return to your life back home. Then there is one on different worlds and doors so the students can better understand each other. One period a week is set aside for individual counseling with me and group therapy is every night after dinner, as you know. Do you have any questions Mr. Lynch?"

Ronan shrugged.

"Well, if you ever do, my office is in the attic and the door is always open. And if I don't have the answer, one of my books most likely does."

Ronan looked down at the schedule and groaned when he saw the first class.

"Economics? Seriously?"

"Most students find it helpful. It's difficult understanding how the world works even before finding your door. Plus, it's taught by one of the most popular teachers. I'm sure you'll like him, too."

Ronan was beginning to find Kade's seemingly endless enthusiasm tiresome. Without a word, he walked away, but he would guess that Kade was still smiling behind him. There was a half hour break between breakfast and classes which gave Ronan enough time to locate all the classrooms listed on his schedule. Although the school was initially built as a residential building - and still was technically the West's home - the rooms had been labeled with an assortment with wooden and metal numbers that had been hammered haphazardly into the door frames. Some looked quite weather worn which led Ronan to believe they were stolen house numbers. He gained a little respect for Eleanor.

With five minutes to spare, Ronan found the economics room and, for the first time in years, arrived to class early. He wasn't the first, however. Gansey and Adam were already seated in the front row, most likely having come straight to class after Adam had stormed out of the dining hall. Gansey smiled when he saw it was Ronan who had walked in.

"I see you've been switched to Logic."

"No shit," Ronan mumbled as he kicked out a chair and slumped into it. Then he sat his bag down gently.

Adam appeared to still be angry about Ronan's lying, but he also looked amused. Thanks to Ronan's contradictory actions, no doubt. He didn't seem the type to find Ronan's abrasive response to be funny.

He definitely knew. Well, probably not that Ronan was hiding a baby raven in his bag, but he definitely knew that Ronan was hiding _something_ in his bag.

"I know you think that if you keep being antagonistic we'll eventually stop trying," Gansey continued as the other students began to trickle in. "I also know that it's just your way of coping. A lot of us lash out at first because of course we all want to go back. So I'm letting you know that I'm not going to stop. We need people who understand what we went through. It helps."

"How do you know that this is how I've always been?" Ronan shot back. Gansey looked surprised, but before he could reply, another boy about their age walked into the classroom. "What gives? Noah said there was only four of us."

"That's Mr. Cheng," Adam said. "He's the teacher."

"You've got to be joking."

"Most certainly," Mr. Cheng said. He had moved from the front of the classroom to behind Ronan so quickly, Ronan hadn't noticed. He jumped and the chair screeched across the floor. "I'm always joking. You're gonna have to be specific about what, though, if you need the joke explained."

The students laughed. Except Gansey and Blue, although they both were smiling.

"Mr. Cheng, that's the new student, Ronan" Blue said. "In his world, time works the same as here, so he's still getting used to age differences."

"I see. Then, that is not a joke Ro. I may look 17, but I'm roughly 55 by now. Give or take a few years. It has always been hard to tell. I came back about four years ago, found Eleanor, and got my degrees online while a student here. Henry Cheng." He offered Ronan his hand, which Ronan ignored. "Hhhmmm, a moper. Alright. Suit yourself Ronsey."

Henry turned to his desk and became rummaging around.

Ronan leaned over toward Adam. "What's with the names?" he whispered.

"He does that with everyone," Adam replied, reluctantly.

"Alright, I don't seem to have your textbook yet, Ro," Henry said. He spun back around, causing several papers to go flying across the room. "So since you seem to already be chummy with Ads, you can share with him."

Ronan looked from Henry to Adam and back. "No way."

"Nope. Already made up my mind. Push your desks together. It's time to get started."

Henry walked over his papers and began writing on the board. Ronan pushed his desk around his bag and lined it up as best as he could next to Adam's. It was sticking out at an angle, but it wasn't like he was going to need something to write on. Adam, however, still moved his book over so Ronan could read along and was already diligently taking notes. Ronan slumped back down and closed his eyes, opening them occasionally to steal glances at Adam as he wrote.

Most of the period passed this way. Adam didn't notice Ronan until there was about ten minutes left of class. They locked eyes for only a second and Ronan's heart nearly stopped. He quickly turned his attention to the board even though that would fool no one. A moment passed before a piece of paper landed on his desk. He hesitated to pick it up. He could hear Adam sigh next to him before he felt a sharp jab to his side.

Frowning, he picked it up and unfolded it.

_don't worry i'm not gonna say anything about your bag as long as you tell me what's in it_

So Adam thought Ronan was just making sure he wasn't about to snitch. That was good. He was going to have to be more careful in the future. He still was nervous, though. Adam seemed to be a model student and Ronan had a feeling he'd be against aiding Ronan in keeping an illegal pet in the school. Whether he would tell Eleanor or not, Ronan wasn't sure. While Adam might be willing to overlook that for a friend, he definitely wasn't a fan of Ronan's. Ronan decided he'd wait until after class and make sure to have Gansey and Blue there as well when he told Adam. He could be swayed by them.

Ronan didn't have a pen. Ignoring his still pounding heart, he grabbed the one from Adam's hand and scribbled back a message.

_even better i'll show you after class_

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Ronan was the first out of the classroom with Adam, and therefore Gansey, following close behind. He motioned for Blue to come as well and, while she looked confused, she swiftly joined them as they made their way to a quiet section of the hallway.

"I missed something, didn't I?" Gansey asked.

"No, I'm sure you noticed Ronan's bag," Adam said. Gansey smiled. Obviously Ronan was not subtle at breakfast **at all**. Blue still looked rather confused but seemed willing to see things through. "You just missed that he's going to show us what's inside."

"Oh good. I'm glad you're beginning to trust us Ronan."

Ronan bit back the urge to say anything. They didn't need to know that this was less of him trusting them and more him building their trust. He wordlessly opened his bag and Chainsaw poked her head out.

"Oh my God," Blue whispered. Her hands came up to her face as she leaned over slowly. "It's adorable."

"She," Ronan simply replied.

Blue pet Chainsaw's head as she asked, "What's her name?"

"More importantly, why do you have a crow?" Adam interjected. He didn't sound as angry as Ronan had anticipated. Just lost. Like everyone at every other school Ronan had gone to, he most likely had anticipated drugs or weapons.

"She's a raven."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Why do you have a raven?"

"I found her. She's too young to take care of herself. I couldn't let her die."

"That's very noble of you," Gansey said. "Is there anything we can do to help?"

Adam looked to Gansey as if he'd been betrayed. "He can't actually keep her. Someone else will find out and it'll get back to Eleanor."

"Don't worry Adam," Blue said. "Eleanor wouldn't want the poor thing to suffer."

"Chainsaw."

Blue, Gansey, and Adam all spoke at once. "What?"

"Her name is Chainsaw."

"Of course," Adam muttered, but he was trying to hide a smile. "So, what are we going to do? You can't keep her in your room. Someone's bound to hear her eventually."

"I think I might be able to be of assistance."

The four of them jumped. Mr. Cheng had snuck up behind them.

Ronan frowned. "Do you always do that?"

"Sorry. Comes with the territory. The, uh, territory being my door. We move swiftly and quietly and covet the element of surprise. But, onto more pressing matters. The bird."

"You think Eleanor would help us?" Blue asked.

"Eh, 50-50 chance, I'd say. No, I wasn't going to say tell her. But my office is far away from the student rooms. You could keep the bird in there at night and during classes. She'll be safe there." Ronan was skeptical, and he must have not been the only one who looked it, because Mr. Cheng put his hand over his heart. "I promise I'm only trying to help. Scout's honor. That's still a thing, right?"

Blue, Gansey, and Adam looked to Ronan for an answer. He didn't have a better plan so he shrugged confirmation.

"Thank you Mr. Cheng," Blue said. "That would be such a huge help."

"Would we be able to take Chainsaw up there before the next class?" Gansey asked.

Mr. Cheng laughed. "Chainsaw? Oh man, Ro is gonna give me a run for my money. What a jokester. Yeah, course. Follow me."

So Ronan followed his new teacher, who looked the same age as him but apparently wasn't, along with some fellow students, who he supposed were his friends now, so they could hide his raven Chainsaw in said teacher's office. This was not what Ronan had expected when he came to this school. It was so much better.


End file.
